Sunday, November 23, 2014

Kamikaze Turkey

The Thanksgiving holiday is on us in the Oedewaldt household. So far Thanksgiving has started with a bang, er..., I mean crash. Grandpa Joe, ever the one to be prepared (not the Oedewaldt side), determined to test the Turkey's fit for the pan.  Pulling the 23 pound bird from the top shelf of the stand-up freezer, the tough webbing they affix with a convenient handle to carry the obese bird, failed, sending the Turkey on his last flight, aimed at grandpa's foot. The bird's last revenge, struck from his frozen grave, was to smash grandpa's big toe between the concrete floor of the garage and deep frozen mass of future dinner. Unaccustomed to surprise attacks from kamikaze frozen turkeys and the intense pain of a perfectly pancaked big toe he sat down in silence almost uttering a curse word. Wits returning, and seeing no hole in his shoe where his big toe surely exited, he completed his intended turkey pan fitting (it fit). Grandpa will spend 6 to 8 weeks in a walking cast. The bird was summarily judged guilty of grievous bodily harm and sentenced to 6 hours at 325 degrees. 

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Do you ever have people in your life and you just know God put them there to keep you humble? Well, I do and they are my neighbors.
They moved onto the acreage behind us probably two years ago and honestly, we don’t know them all that well. We see each other in passing and they are very nice Christian people, but they have this gift of always stopping by when I’m at my worst. You know how it is, right? They stop by to visit and the house is a wreck, or they walk past the yard when you’re running out to get the paper with “bed hair”...

Well in order to understand today’s humiliation, you must first know a little background. We have two beautiful and energetic golden retrievers. Recently I saw an ad on TV for a new training system called, THE PERFECT DOG. It promised great results quickly and like a sucker I bought it! Now, I’m actually very happy with it and am eagerly going out to work with my dogs each day, imagining in my minds eye these well behaved dogs from the commercials. My dogs however don’t tend to react just like the dogs on TV, so although we are seeing some success we also have our moments of frustration. One of the new techniques we are practicing is for the dog to come up to an open door, but not to cross the threshold until you have given them permission. If they do you pull them back to the “line” they crossed and give them a firm wack on the chest while telling them to wait. So I’m in my garage practicing with them to not come in from their pen without my permission, (now in my defense....I was outnumbered two to one and I’d just hit my head on the garage door)!

One more small piece of information that you need to know, our doorbell doesn’t work!

Here enters the neighbor lady, their phones aren’t working and she has come over to ask if she can use mine. Knock, knock, knock on the door.....followed by a voice from the garage....”wait”..........knock, knock, knock.....(a little louder voice from the garage)”WAIT”.................knock, knock, knock........(much louder voice,)”WAIT!!!!”

Do you get the picture here?????

She’s probably like, “Ok, I’m waiting” and meanwhile I’m in the garage and can’t even hear her knocking!

Eventually I come into the house and hear a gentle knock, she gets to use the phone and I’m “the crazy neighbor” again!